Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Handling unwanted emails, one email at a time

An unfamiliar email address got thru into my inbox today, and to my surprise, it was unwarranted. So instead of ignoring the email, I decided to reply this time :

Text version in case the screens are too small :

Hi Yi Jing,

I am glad your company have chosen to email me with your product brochures, for I have been browsing your company's site a week ago and have come upon an item that has stolen my heart, like my profound love for mass produced processed ham meat that comes in a can. Instinctively coming upon that product I instantly made it the default homepage for my browser so that I can gaze upon it's splendor and wonders every time I opened the world wide web, which some say is the doorway to the open world. And if so, I'd regard that one product from your site the Nirvana of the world wide web, the promised land if it pleases me so.

But imagine the horror and dismay on my face when a few days ago when I popped open my browser and along came the message 404, page not found. My first thoughts were "Maybe my internet is wonky, I'll just wait a few moments". 2 hours came and I tried it again. The same message was displayed. I cursed and howled at the gods above who seemed to have played such a cruel trick on me. My only regret was not putting down an order immediately upon stumbling across said holy grail.

Immediately I went on your companies website and started looking for the product, I hunted high and low all over the website like a high priest looking for young altar boys. But like the jewish people on Schindler's List, it has successfully eluded me. And I stand half a man,like a shadow hung over me for it was like yesterday came just suddenly. I was defeated, like a soldier that was afraid to report to his fuhrer.

But I digress, I have looked upon the catalog that you have thrusted upon me like an inmate picking up a soap but am unable to find the product that I have wanted so badly. So I assume that the item is no longer in stock. But it would mean the world to me if you could try to locate it for me. It is a plush toy of a grey feline cat which has a pop tart wrapped around it's body and behind it lays a trail of rainbow spectrum. And when squeezed it repeatedly pronounces a word which I believe to either be Korean or Japanese in a catchy tune. If you so happens to have it in stock, please put down a 100 quantity of it for me as soon as possible.

Again thank you for contacting me, my fate is now in your hands. Hope to hear from you soon

Let's see if there's any reply.


reply :

Text version :

Hi Ji Ying,

Thank you for your prompt reply, unfortunately I do not have any pictures of it saved down. But I have tried my best to re-create what I have seen by memory, this is one of the times where I wished I was one of those big shot art majors that is able to recreate master pieces with only their left pinky. I have attached said drawing in this email


Koh Kian Fai said...

ah ceh, havent reply 1 is it XD

jewish? sounds like some words from "The Possession" that I watched last night :P

Henry Lee said...


Charmaine Pua said...

Hahaha looks like you're very free! XD

Cutebun said...

Nyan cat!!! So funny la the email.

Xue Ren said...

LOL! what a CREATIVE way of reply! =P

little miss smexy said...

Haha! Best description for Nyan cat! :)